Go on, live a little
Little luxuries can be life changing
A little of what you fancy does you good.
Many of our bad habits are driven by a desire for pleasure. The time we waste scrolling on our phones, the unhealthy food we eat, our addiction to mood-altering drugs, and so on - they’re all simply ways for us to keep dopamine flooding into our system.
Dopamine is one of the most powerful of the neurotransmitters: put simply, it makes us feel good. When you're stressed and unhappy, dopamine can go a long way to making it all feel better.
In the short term, that can be highly effective. In the long term, however, it can be extremely destructive. One of the reasons our addictions are so insidious is that as we become habituated to a stimulus, it releases less and less dopamine each time. Consequently, we require more and more of the same stimulus to have a noticeable effect. Eventually, we reach the point where we require almost constant stimulation just to feel normal.1
This presents us with an awkward paradox. Giving up our unhealthy habits means cutting out many of our sources of dopamine, which reduces our ability to cope with stress. So on the one hand we're actively trying to reduce stress: on the other, we're making it harder for ourselves to deal with it.
This is a problem every recovering addict is familiar with. You can't just quit cigarettes or alcohol or heroin or whatever. Even if you hate the drug, and you're aware of just how much damage it's doing to you, you rely on it as a source of dopamine.
The answer, of course, is that you don't just quit. You replace the drug with something else that provides a similar reward. You can use exercise to pump your body full of endorphins, sex and companionship to boost your serotonin, or a whole host of little treats such as gum, mints, or chocolate for those little dopamine boosts throughout the day.
When you're changing your lifestyle, it's not enough just to think about the things you need to stop doing. Focus on what you can do instead. Filling your life with little moments of joy and happiness will go a long way to replacing the pleasures you're giving up.
There are two essential elements to this. First, identify the things that make you happy. These don't need to be big things. Just little things that you enjoy. For example, sitting with a cup of tea and a book. Taking the dog for a walk. Spending time chatting with friends about things that interest you. Taking a relaxing bath or pampering yourself. Listening to a favorite piece of music or watching a favorite TV show. And yes, in moderation it's perfectly fine to do things that are a little unhealthy. Actually, it’s better than fine - it’s good for you. So have that ice cream. Eat that bar of chocolate. Buy a new pair of shoes. Spend an evening on the sofa playing dumb video games.
Even wearing a favorite item of clothing that makes you feel special can have an effect on your mood.2 Drag it out of the wardrobe and put it on - and wear your best jewelry too, even if you’re just sitting on the sofa. If you’ve been saving something for a special day, dig it out. Eat off the nice plates. Draw on the high quality paper. Use your best pen. Wear the expensive perfume. Burn the nice candles. They’re not doing any good sitting on a shelf or in a closet. Use them, and have fun.
Because the second element is appreciation. Enjoy the moment. Really savor that pleasure. Be grateful to yourself for making the time for this little treat. When you make an active choice to enjoy yourself and focus on the pleasure that your luxuries are giving you, it means so much more.3
I'm not a doctor, dietitian, nutritionist, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, meditation trainer, yoga teacher, or anything else. My academic background is in anthropology, and I've taken some neuroscience and NLP courses, but otherwise I'm self-educated. Nothing in this blog constitutes professional advice.
“A dopamine hit brings about pleasure, and then is quickly followed by pain, or a come-down, in order to keep us motivated. Lembke says this balancing see-saw of pleasure and pain made sense in the time of early humans, when we had to constantly search for our basic needs – food, water, shelter. "It's really an ingenious method to make sure that no matter what we do that's pleasurable, it doesn't last very long and it's followed by pain so that immediately we're searching again," she explains.” Too much pleasure can lead to addiction. How to break the cycle and find balance, NPR, 2022
Dopamine dressing: How to feel happier with clothes, Business Insider