How many social media posts do you see where people are crowing about their latest obsession? They're obsessed with a TV show, a new kitchen gadget, a new brand of laundry detergent, a new color of nail varnish, or some other completely trivial product. I've even seen people saying they're obsessed with white plastic door handles. Not even good ones, just cheap ones from a Chinese drop-shipper.
Obviously, it's just hyperbolic modern marketing speak, and doesn't deserve to be taken seriously, but, as I've noted on numerous occasions in previous posts, repeating words like this gradually affects our thinking.
Obsession is a deeply powerful psychological state. And it's usually not a beneficial one. It’s a form of monomania, where you literally can't think about anything else. Your whole life revolves around this one thing, whether that's an object, a behavior, or a person.1
The longer obsession continues, the more it comes to define the sufferer. Eventually, the objects of their obsession come to define them. Nothing else matters other than gratifying that obsession.2
To be the object of someone's obsession is horrible.
- Tippi Hedren
You’re not obsessed
Now obviously, most people aren't actually obsessed by cosmetics or frying pans or door handles.3 When they say they're obsessed, what they actually mean is that they’re fairly impressed, and the object of their obsession is their new favorite thing. Chances are, in a few days they'll have forgotten all about it and moved on to something else, especially if they're professional influencers whose attention span only lasts until the next package needs unboxing.
The problem is that using that word, even in jest, may have unexpected ramifications. By describing our relationship to a product as an obsession, we’re fetishizing mundane consumer products. It's okay to appreciate products for that quality or utility. It's okay to take an interest in the things that you choose to buy or do.
It's not okay if they become an obsession. We're training ourselves to believe that things like this are hugely important to our lives: that what's really matters to us is the things we consume.
In addition, describing our passing fancies as obsessions normalizes and trivializes the very real condition of OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This can be a crippling mental disorder that requires medical treatment, in the form of both behavioral therapy and medication. As any OCD sufferer will tell you, obsession isn’t something to brag about.4
Unless you're a professional door handle designer, don't get obsessed with doorhandles. Just use them to open the damn door!
I'm not a doctor, dietitian, nutritionist, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, meditation trainer, yoga teacher, or anything else. My academic background is in anthropology, and I've taken some neuroscience courses, but otherwise I'm self-educated. Nothing in this blog constitutes professional advice.
“The five most common types of obsessions can be categorized as perfectionism, relational, contamination, causing harm, and intrusive thoughts. All obsessions can cause significant emotional distress, lower self-esteem, and interfere with the ability to function normally in relationships, work, or school.” What Is an Obsession?, VeryWell Mind
“…before you know it, these thoughts start to take up more time and energy. It can get to a point where it’s all you think about, affecting your mood, work, and even your other relationships.” How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone, VeryWell Mind
Some people are obsessed with the strangest things, though. My dad was really into railways and read everything he could find about the Great Western Railway. I remember him bringing home a book about the history of carriage handles in the 1950s. The author had spent years compiling a detailed listing of exactly what type of handles were fitted to every single carriage they operated, where, and when. In some cases, he had the name of the person who did the work. Now that’s an obsession.
The Psychology Behind Obsessions, PsychCentral
I lodged in a house with a guy who did have obsessions. For instance he bought every different edition of "99 Red balloons" not just in the different languages it was released in but the different colours of vinyl and something else. I shared a living room with over 50 copies of the same record that we were not allowed to play in case we scratched them.
He was also a railway enthusiast and had many notebooks with numbers written in them of the different not just engines but different carriages he'd seen. If I was unlucky he would then tell me all about them.
Though I did love the perfume Obsessions so good to see that got a shout out LOL